sick and home pondering

we had a nice valentine’s day…even though i’m sick.  we made a nice aglio e olio with black olives, fresh tomatoes, herbs, angel hair spaghetti, and of course, lots of garlic.  mmm.  being sick, this wasn’t the special dinner originally planned, but it was still good….we turned off the tv, lit the candles, opened the vino, etc.  i love dh.  i think i need to give him a name like my fellow bloggers do.  i’ll have to think of that…

i started feeling sick yesterday and last night…little bit of chills and pressure in the chest.  it started out as a sinus thing.  i used the n.eti pot and i think that kept it out of my sinuses and moved it down to me bronchial tract.  anyway, i’m home sick today, watching tv, scanning the internet, and laying around with ms. mae.  (btw, she goes in on thursday for the growth removal surgery…fingers crossed.  her bloodwork came back good, so she is ready to go.  my little poopah.  she has about 25 nicknames.)  

being down for the count, i have been following links to other great blogs and got into reading a mind/body post on one of them….which lead to an article on yoga for infertility…which then led to a link to this….  …and thought i’d post it in case some of you may be interested.  i didn’t realize resolve had teleseminars.  i’ve been most interested in the mind-body stuff recently.  not in the idiotic “relax and you’ll get pregnant” sense, but in how to move towards acceptance and creating a whole, full, life while going through treatment and/or pursing adoption.  i really wish there was a support group in my area with women who have tried and tried and tried and are in a similar stage, not the ones who have 1 or 2 failures (no offense if it’s you, but you aren’t in the same boat and i sincerely hope you never are!).   i’ve tried to find them, but there are none.  i’ve considered the ali.ce do.mar center since it’s not too far for me (about 1 hr away), but thought it may be too preachy for me.   but, i’m looking into it.   anyone ever go there?

sometimes i think i’m onto my own new path towards resolution….letting go of treatment in a sense or at least being apathetic towards it.  even though we have our remaining embryos.  i feel sort of weird.  like i don’t belong “here”, but i also don’t belong “there” yet.  i’m awaiting beta-integrin results, and they’ve taken forever to respond, but i almost don’t care.  i don’t really know what to write about this feeling, but that i just feel strange.  i bet some of you in transition can relate.   i am waiting to see that bright beacon.  i know it may not be bright, but at least i need to be moving towards it. 

lastly, i just wanted to thank all of you for following my blog, posting, providing links in your blogs to others who are fighting the uphill battle to create a family.   sometimes you feel so isolated and alone, then, unfortunately for all of us, you find that you really aren’t.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. LisainSK
    Feb 16, 2011 @ 10:00:04

    Get well soon!


  2. R
    Feb 16, 2011 @ 17:52:08

    Sorry you are feeling under the weather. So hoping that Ms. Mae’s surgery goes well. Thinking of you.


  3. Jes T
    Feb 19, 2011 @ 09:26:04

    I love your blog!!! Thank you for commenting on mine . I am sorry you are feeling yucky. Feel better soon.


  4. Flygirl
    Feb 19, 2011 @ 19:51:18

    Hope you are feeling better by now. Glad you got to enjoy a romatic Valentine’s Day dinner.

    The mind-body connection can be very strong. At one point during my journey, I was doing a random search of the intrnet and came across an interview with a hypnotist that specialized in infertility. Several months later, Iwas reading another girl’s blog who cycled at CCRM – had been through 6 IVF treatments – failed at CCRM and finally – on her 7th try – got pregnant (she and her husband now have a beautiful baby boy). The one difference was that she saw this infertility hypnotherapist.

    I learned that this hypnotist is within an easy drive of my house, so I invested another big pile of money to work with her. She is a leader in this industry, works exclusively with infertility patients and has a huge side-business training other hypnotists in her methods – so Ithought if anyone can help, she can.

    She was much more down-to-earh and less “hocus-pocus” than I ever imagined. It all seemed rational. Even though I still failed, she taught me techniques today that I still use to relax.

    Sometimes we do need that mind-body connection.


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