Beta Results – Nervous

Hi..just a quick post because I am very nervous right now. 

My beta came back at 87. 

I was hoping for over 100.  I have been here before and had things go south, but not with a normal.  That fact is still not reassuring to me.  Also, my pee stick was barely darker today than yesterday.  My gut is sick.  I know I have to get a hold of myself, but if you scour the internet, many people say the initial beta should be over 100 for viability. 

Plus, I have been having lower abdomen cramps like my AF is coming all day, almost continuously.  The cramps are low, too…about 2-3 inches from my belly button on the left side (I have a left unicornuate uterus).  I’m wondering all kinds of things right now.  Any thoughts or experiences you can share?

I didn’t get P4 results.  They didn’t have them yet, but it’s getting late in the day, so I’m hoping the lab actually analyzed my blood for that.  I know the lady at the clinic typed that into the instructions (if positive, add progesterone).   I’ll update with those later.

Picture Update

I’m 8dp6dt this morning and here’s my pee stick result (from 3-5 mins):

Still crampy, and having on and off hunger pains (noticed significantly yesterday), spotting stopped all day yesterday but I had a little pink this am.  This is torture!

I’m telling DH this morning.  It sucks I can’t just be a mushy ball of happy emotion.  We all know too well.  I guess this is a good start as one of my friends (SH) said!

Freaking Out

As you all know, I’m in the 2WW.  So you know how freaky and crazy that is.  I’m not normally a POASer, but I began to see and understand the opinion that you can “ease” yourself into the result.  I think I got this from the old timers on the I.VFC board (hi guys…you know who you are).  I have converted.   I POASed yesterday morning , the equivalent of 6dp6dt, and saw a very very VERY faint line using a F.RER (6 day early stick).  I then decided to buy a Walm.art Equ.ate Ea.rly Res.ponse (4 day early stick) at lunchtime and peed when I got home form work.  That was definately a diluted urine because I drink a lot of water now (with the constipation and all) and I saw a line, but again, very very VERY faint.   I saved them, but they got darker since the 10 min limit and therefore, I didn’t take a picture of them.

So, I decided that I would pee this morning, 7dp6dt, and here are the results (from within 3-5 mins):

I know, there is a line, but it’s very very light again (if you double click on the picture you can see a closeup).  The ones from yesterday were lighter than this morning’s tests, but I was hoping for a much darker result this morning. 

Plus, late last night, when I put my En.dom.etrin in, I noticed some pink.  Then this morning, I’ve had some spotting.  Sorry, TMI, but when I peed, there was a murky reddish/pinkish/tanish liquid (a blend of the End.ome.trin and other junk) that came out.  I also have some cramps.  I’ve had spotting mean a good thing and also mean a bad thing.  So, I’ll be monitoring all of this.  

All I can say is that I think it can go either way.  I am very, very nervous.   I was thinking yesterday that I was going to tell DH today, hopefully with the stick (just putting it on the sink while getting ready this morning) but because it wasn’t that impressive I am holding back.   What do you guys think?

Beta is Thursday, gulp.

Welcome Home

Today I welcomed our little embryo home. 

Dr. S came into the room and said “did you have a talk with your uterus” and I said that I was just doing that.  (In hindsight, I think he meant did I talk to it to get that good lining.   At first I thought it meant to get ready for the transfer.) 

It was #8 from our 11/09 cycle.  It was a normal day 6 3BA.  It was fully expanded, 100% cell retention, and Dr. S said it was a good looking embryo.    I said, “let’s go, little #8, come on home”.  Dr. S said “you will have to call him something else once he is born”.    He was jovial today.    He also measured the back of my uterus (5cm) and then they pulled back to the right location for transfer (3cm I think).  He said my uterus was long for a unicornuate.  I guess that’s good….anything bigger than normal for a UU has to be better.

I think they lightened up on how full your bladder needs to be because they let me pee a little beforehand (actually a lot…a whole cupful; I had been overzealous with the water intake).  I didn’t even need a bed pan this time.  I was comfortable.  More comfortable than I am now….my back aches when I lay down too long. 

We had a little drama though last night.  I thought I booked the Home.wood Suites near Park Mea.dows.  But, somehow when I called I must have gotten transferred to the one in Littlet.on and didn’t realize it (when they said the name upon answering the phone).  So we show up there late last night, around 11pm, and there is a construction fence around it.  You can imagine the F-bombs from my DH.  So, I called the number I had, putting 2+2 together and realized it was a different one.  It was 25 mins away, west on 490 towards the mountains.  We stayed there last night but then since my transfer wasn’t until 1130 today, we had time to change.  We are now in Elem.ent.  It’s a West.in extended stay right on Park Mead.ows Drive.  It is pretty nice.  It’s very modern and very clean.  So far so good.  I just wish I could check it out, but they didn’t have that on the list of things you can do on bedrest. 

So, here I wait.  I’m reading, playing Gin with DH, watching movies, wishing the time away.    I’m reading that book…Hea.ling Mind, He.athy Woma.n.  Nothing I don’t already know so far, but maybe it will be good to try to get into that zen state.   Om.  Right now I’m in a field of sweet smelling flowers and there is a Mountain in the background and chirping birds and all is good.  Well, just got interrupted…DH is back with dinner….chow time!

I’m Nervous

I’m nervous.  I’m anxious.  But, I have a little bit of hope.

Tomorrow is transfer day.  We decided on transferring one normal rather than the untested blastocyst.  My DH wanted to go the other way all along.  He thinks this lining is somehow compromised because of the history of the prep (potentially ovulating in the beginning, but then the estrogen must have taken over and shut me down).  He also was leaning towards saving the two normals for a GC.  He figured we have transferred normals before (in cycles where they were not tested) due to the fact I had normals in two cycles and that it never worked. 

I’m of the opinion that this is a stand-out cycle as far as prep.   The lining is nice and thick and my E2 is low.  So, another heart wrenching decision.  I got the call at my friend’s daughter’s (my Godchid) birthday and had to excuse myself.   The heart was pounding, the voice was thin, we went through the plan for transfer and then she asked me how many to thaw and transfer and I said 1 and 1.   She didn’t ask anything more.  I said, “T.onie told me the other day that I needed to let you know today if it was going to be a normal or the untested one, do I need to make that decision now, or can I call you tomorrow morning?” (thinking I’d have one more night to sleep on it)  She said I needed to tell her now.  So, with butterflies in my stomach, I said “a normal”.    Later on DH and I debated on the way home again.  We kept talking even though we were in the driveway, probably for 20 mins or so.  You know how that happens?  It’s like the conversation is so intense you don’t want to move from where you are. 

I’d honestly say that I was only 55% normal, 45% untested.  My thoughts are this.  I’m really not into pursuing a GC.  I like the idea of it and the end result, potentially, but I would be a nervous wreck.  Plus, I have some religious thoughts/beliefs that make me uncomfortable with it.  My Mom would be heartbroken about it.  I know she would love us, and would support us as she does always, but she wouldn’t support us in this venture.   So, I think, if we transfer a normal into a stellar lining, plus throw in Rob.’s Cock.tail, then that is the absolute best we can do.  If it doesn’t work, we will know that it is likely to never work and we can move on knowing that.  If we transferred the untested one now, we will always assume it was the embryo because it can’t be the lining.  We transferred a normal before (one time) and got a BFN.  The RE said it was definitely a uterine problem.  Then we transferred an untested blast and the RE said it was definitely the embryo, not the lining.  So, which is it?  What will he say now if it doesn’t work? 

I feel like I’m chipping away at the rock, looking for that golden nugget, but that I’m running out of rock.  I need to get my head straight.   I need to just give in and let it be and try to think good thoughts.  It’s not in my control.  I will be reading my Ali.ce Do.mar mind/body book on the plane.   I hope the person sitting next to me doesn’t think I’m a freak.  Maybe I should start meditating right there in the seat.  

Thanks for your support and for following me.  I feel like I have a little pazzi wishing me good things from cyberspace.  I hope the same for all of you!

It’s a Go

I got surprisingly great results today.   Drum roll please…..

8.9mm (verbal locally) or 9.8mm (on report sent to CCR.M) &  Trilaminar

 E2=507, LH=12.7, P4=0.2

The local nurse told me one thing verbally today (8.9) , but when the C.CR.M nurse called, she gave me a different, higher number (9.8), based on the report they sent, which I think is based on a US picture.   Maybe someone was dyslexic, but who cares!  I was hoping for a 7.8 and trilaminar.  I was shocked! 

The C.CRm nurse was so happy.  She said “You are good at gambling!”.  I bet my RE was happy, too, albeit surprised.   He was going to let me transfer when the lining was 6-7.    I know my local nurse was also surprised.  I shocked ’em all, including DH (and myself, and some of you, I bet). 

I know this is only a minor piece of the puzzle, but for me, this is huge.  It’s like my own personal victory against the lining thieves.   I had been thinking that if it got there before, I must be able to get there again.   Now I know my uterus can get there.  I can develop a good lining.  Persistance and patience do pay off sometimes.    Here’s what I did this cycle that was different:

  • N0 BCP’s *
  • No Lupron *
  • Normal Estrogen prep in beginning
  • Extra Estrogen after last Saturday’s check *
  • Regular Exercising (Ji.llian Mic.hael’s, 3.0 Da.y Sh.red to be exact)
  • A glass of red wine every night (thanks to yoga on ivf.conn for that suggestion) *
  • Some BDing with DH to help with blood flow  😉
  • A heating pad on my abdomen for the last few nights.
  • A little more red meat than usual.
  • Endometrial biopsy in January – may have fluffed or recharged lining (edited post to add this – didn’t think of it originally, but maybe this helped)  *

        * I think these are the major contributors to my much improved prep cycle. 

So, as you can see, we are moving forward.  I start progesterone tomorrow.   Yippeee!

Decision to Continue Monitoring

Yep.  After an agonizing night/morning regarding starting prog or not, I feel relief with my decision. 

We will wait until Wed for another US/BW to see if the lining gets thicker. 

My ovary is suppressed enough, so I think it may be worthwhile to try.  If for some reason I ovulate on my own, so be it.   If the lining changes and is not trilaminar, so be it.  I’m willing to take that risk for another 0.5mm in lining if possible.  If it’s not there on Wed, we’ll decide then.  I have to wait until Wed to get over the hump of the weekend date for transfer.  I’m adding one vaginal estrace/day also.  

Thanks for following me and helping me out with your opinions!  I wanted to do it, but in the end, I figured it’s worth the time to try and see if it’s a possibility.  I may end up having to accept that my uterus can only do what it can do.  I’m a hard sell. 

This was much worse than trying to decide what to wear going out on a Friday night when I was 25.  This image was me this morning looking at lining studies online, less the blonde hair (I’m brunette).

Woman Trying to Decide What to Wear

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