This and That

I’ve been a bit consumed by my Mom’s diagnosis lately, as can be expected.  We’ve had two meetings with the doctor.  The lesion is small (0.5 cm) and the doctor is saying, clinically, that it’s stage 1A.  The doctor seems to really know her stuff and she does an excellent job explaining everything to us.  She gave kudos to the radiologist who found it.  She said when they are that size they can be overlooked.  So, thank God (actually, the radiologist) for that!   We are nervous, but keeping it in check until we know the results of the lymph tissue, etc.  She will get the tumor and two lymph nodes out on the 30th (tentatively) then will need radiation for 6 wks following (and they will be adding hormone therapy).  Of course, this changes if they find anything in the lymph nodes.   So, fingers crossed and saying prayers.  I’ve been getting on my knees for this one!

On the adoption path, we went for our finger prints last week.  I kept setting off alarms in the machine because for some reason it seemed to think my initial 5 finger scan didn’t match some of the individual ones.  It’s funny how you get nervous when you are setting off alarms in the police station.  But, the officer said it’s common.  I thought my husband would have a hard time because he has working hands and his fingers are so tight and overworked that I wondered if he’d have fingerprints at all.  Well, his went smooth with no alarms.   The machine showed a list of other names who had their prints done.  I asked the officer how it all works…and he explained how our name would pop up once we were cleared from the national repository of prints (forgot where and what he called it).  Then he scrolled through the list of names and showed me how our name would pop up…and how it would look if there was a problem.  I was surprised that he allowed us to see it….there were first and last names…so much for privacy I guess.  

I finished my autobiography.  For those of you who’ve done this, you’ll understand what I mean.  It took me over 5 hrs total to do this and I was very emotional.  I guess mainly because I lost my Dad and in describing my upbringing I was going through all those wonderful memories I have of him.  But, also, it’s hard to answer some of the questions (they gave us questions as a guide) about how you got to adoption, how you see yourself raising an adopted child, etc.  I also had to talk about my adolescence, school, relationships with friends and family throughout the years, how I met my hubby and our strengths and weaknesses….and of course, I threw in a shout out to my daisymae!   The “area where we may need work” for my husband and I was about time spent working on things separately.  I wrote about my husband’s time working on the boat….it worked twofold…I showed her that I although I think we have a wonderful relationship, I wasn’t unrealistically saying there weren’t some differences that need work.  I also was able to remind him again of what I think….Saturdays can be for work but Sunday is family time.  He’s ok with that….unless the giant tuna are in! 

I’m rambling, but I guess that I’m just pouring out my thoughts as they come.  I just learned that one of my IF friends had her twins and I’m so happy for her!  I’m so happy when someone struggles then gets that happy ending.  It’s like MTL or rb-.k or soul.shine or flyg.rl or cas.sie…..guess I could go on and on.  I know that you guys also think of me and look forward to the day when I’m running around after my little one.   I will also be here for those still moving towards their happy ending!

Lastly, if anyone reads this and is pursuing domestic infant adoption, please share your thoughts/ experience with national adoption agencies.   Or if anyone has actually done GC or has a contact who has, please let me know.  I want to physically talk to someone who actually did it, not just via emails or bulletin boards on the internet.  If you have info you want to share, leave me a post and I will send you my contact info.  Thanks!

 

 

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New Worry

Since I was married in 2005, there has been one major thing to overcome after another.  Unfortunately, none of this is letting up. 

They found a small lump in my Mom’s breast and it is cancerous.  We go on Wednesday for a surgical consult.  My Mom says that they will tell her more that day in terms of the stage and what is recommended for removal. 

I am really nervous.  My Mom has been her usual strong self.  She hasn’t let this waiting time get to her.  I have.  I am doing much better than when I first found out, mainly because I think I am subconsciously feeding off her calmness.   We’ve heard others’ stories, but she says, “that’s them” and wants to wait to see what the doctor says about her case. 

I wanted to write a post about my Mom a while back, but said I’d do it later.  I’m going to wait on that because now, with this new information, it would seem like it’s coming from a sad place, rather than a happy place.

I wish life’s challenges would let up for me/us.  I know everyone wishes that…and I know it’s all relative.  But, it’s just so hard to stay above water when you are constantly getting pushed back down.  But, every time I get negative or start to worry, I try to focus on how she is still a role model for me, even when things are hard for her.  

All we can do is hope and pray and wait.