Step by Step

I feel like I’m living day-to-day, or really, week-to-week.  I feel relieved when I get good US results, and stay happy for a day or so, but then I start with the worrying.  I was very nervous to go in today because my symptoms seemed a bit less, albeit still there.  I’m seeing a pattern here, but none of it involves sheer joy and happiness over our current state.  I guess if I didn’t have my history and if I was a bit younger I may be able to do that.  But, I can’t…just can’t.   Neither can DH. 

The US results for today were good, measuring right on track at 9w2d with a heart rate of 170 bpm. 

The machine at the OB’s office is much less advanced than the one at my former RE.  It makes sense because the RE’s need to see little follicles and the OB typically doesn’t even look at you until 8 wks.  The little bean was very blurry, much blurrier than my US at 7w2d at the RE.  I could see the little arms and legs clearly at the RE.  This one is like a big white blob with some areas resembling arm buds and legs.  I almost want to go back to the RE.  I told the nurse practitioner, who has done my last 2 US’s, that the one over at the RE seems to have a much higher resolution.  She said, “yes, and they paid a gillion dollars for it”.

Next week we have our first appt with the doctor.  I was told today they will do an US then, too.

I like the nurse practitioner.   She is very thorough.  I think she’s also a midwife.  I had a bleed a little over a week ago (very scary)…the day after my last RE’s appt and last post.  So, I called the OB to see if I could get an earlier US and she had me come in the next day.   I shared my history with her as well as our adoption plans.   She’s done my last two US’s.  After today’s US, when it was time to go, she said Merry Christmas to me and gave me a hug, with the emotion of a friend.  I was surprised since she is very matter of fact, always reminding me that it’s week to week and sometimes day-to-day, but that we can be cautiously optimistic (hate that term).  It’s nice to sense that she is rooting for us. 

Thanks to all of you for your support!  It warms my heart to know I have friends in cyberspace thinking of us and hoping for us. 

Wishing you all Happy Holidays!


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. LisainSK
    Dec 22, 2011 @ 06:42:55

    Oh those u/s results are fantastic!! Remaining ever so cautiously optimistic. You will feel confident when the time is right…you have every right to be reserved. It will come and on its own time. But you are doing great…one day at a time!!


  2. Kelley
    Dec 22, 2011 @ 12:11:46

    What great ultrasound results! I have 2 children and 1 on the way but after I had 2 miscarriages within 5 months after my daughter, I was so scared when I had my betas drawn, ultrasounds, anything. My OB saw me once a week for an ultrasound and didn’t charge me just to reassure me…I was used to an RE’s office so he knew this was new territory for me, especially after 2 losses.

    I will keep checking in and hoping for more great news! Also (if you don’t mind me asking) will you do this first trimester screening in a few weeks or just the 20 week ultrasound?

    Happy Holidays!


  3. elliej
    Dec 22, 2011 @ 12:30:44

    PHEW! At last I can comment (was having techy issues). I could not be happier for you and your most wonderful news. I know you are fearful and I get why; it is impossible not to be after what you have been through. And those feelings may not go away until you hold your baby in your arms. But I feel optimistic for you. Am really, really thrilled D’sMom XXX


  4. MyTwoLines
    Dec 22, 2011 @ 14:25:32

    I am so happy things are still going so well! I hope the moments of happiness last longer and longer and the fearful ones subside. Thinking of you!


  5. soulshine
    Dec 22, 2011 @ 15:10:50

    another good u/s 🙂
    i think its just going to be a day by day, week by week thing, and that’s all there is to it. it doesn’t affect the baby growing inside whether you feel joyful or worried or choose to live in oblivion the whole while… just do what you need to do to retain some kind of emotional balance to get you thru the days. that’s my best advice based on my own experience. meanwhile, we will all hopefully and joyfully wait along side you as the days and weeks pass.

    can you get in with a peri’s office? i would think with your medical history, it may get you a ticket to the peri’s better u/s machines ;)- no more fuzzy blobs on the ob’s low-rent machines 😉 i think if you are going to go thru the troubles of these u/s’s, you may as well get the full visual pay off of a good result, right? maybe ask the ob about it at your next appt. also, it may be worth considering in the next few days/weeks renting a home doppler, which can bring the stress down to a day to day level, instead of having to wait the full week for reassurance. it may be a bit early, but i am just putting that out there for consideration 🙂

    thank you so much for updating. i am following along like you are my own sister… really hoping for you, no matter what.


  6. soulshine
    Dec 22, 2011 @ 15:12:15

    also, sorry for all the smiley faces! somehow when they come thru as a semi-colon and a parenthesis they look much less cloying than the full-on bright yellow smiley face…


  7. Flygirl555
    Dec 23, 2011 @ 20:20:41

    To echo Soulshine, you are like a sister to us and we couldn’t be happier for you! Just a few more weeks and you’ll be into the second trimester. Thanks for keeping us up-to-date and can’t wait for the next post!


  8. PBJmom
    Dec 24, 2011 @ 01:58:11

    I am so happy that things continue to go well! I hope you and DH can celebrate the holidays and that 2012 will be your year. I know that with your history it’s hard not to be cautious, so we will be rooting you on with each step. I 2nd soulshine’s peri rec–their machines are much better! Wishing you the best!


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