Life’s Uncertainty

I can’t believe it’s almost been 2 week since my last post.  I saw soulshine’s reply asking how I was and thought I should update.

Truth is, I’ve had some things happen that have taken the wind from my sail a bit.

I’m nervous about my husband.  About 6 years ago he was diagnosed with bladder cancer.   He never smoked, and didn’t have exposure to chemicals that could have caused it, so it was really a shocker, especially at his young age.  He just had surgery to remove the small growth, no chemo.  It didn’t invade the bladder wall, just surface.  Everything has been fine since then, all followup tests have been clear.  This past week he had to go for his annual scope and when he was done he called me and said that although the doctor didn’t find anything that he has to go for a ct scan.  Apparently, weeks ago, he saw some stuff when he peed, like he did when it was first discovered.  He called the doctor, but he said to wait until his appt this past week.  He said he didn’t tell me when he saw the stuff because figured I had enough to worry about.  During the appt, the doctor said that all looked clear, but because DH said he saw something the doctor wants to see if there is anything in the kidneys or ureter.  He’s going in for that on Friday this week.   The type he was diagnosed with back then has a high chance of reoccurrence, but a low chance of invading other areas of the body.   I’m so worried…we won’t know the results until the week after next. 

I failed my screening for gestational diabetes and need to go for the 3-hr diagnostic test.  I’ll talk with my doctor on Thursday, my next appt.  Of course I’ve read a lot about it.   A good majority of people who screen positive don’t actually have GD.  I hope I’m in that group.  From what I read though, it’s really not that bad to manage.  I’d have to check my sugar 4 times each day and have a strict diet.  If that’s all I have to do, I’ll be fine with that.  I wonder if my test was skewed because of the tic-tacs I had on the way to the test.  My friend told me she screened positive but then was fine.  She said she had mints beforehand and her doctor said that could have caused the sugar to spike more.  The other weird thing that happened to me is that I felt sweaty and like I was going to faint around 12 pm that day.  I had a whole grain english muffin that morning with decaf, had the fructose drink at 820a, test at 920a, then my Mom and I went on a few errands (I stayed in the car).  I had a granola bar around 10ish and was feeling very hungry by 1130…the time that I felt sweaty and faint.  I recall my grandma, who had regular diabetes, getting that way when she had low blood sugar.  So, I thought maybe it may have had a sugar crash from the test and from not eating much.  But, maybe that is a first sign of having GD.  I guess I’ll find out.

The other thing that is consuming me is my friends, best friend, husband and 4 kids, who are like family to me, lost their dog on Friday.  Their dog was a crazy lab named Jeter (they are diehard fans).  Really a De.nnis the Menna.ce type, always getting into everything, but a great, lovable, goofy dog.  He used to stay with us when they went away.  Ms. Mae loved him.   Well, my friend has been having a problem with mice so she got her bug man to put in some poison.  It was buried and supposedly, per the guy, nothing that a kid or dog could get into.  Soon after the guy installed them, she noticed her dog was eating something and went outside.  He dug up one of them and had been eating it.  She rushed him to the vet and they induced vomiting, then gave him charcoal to absorb the poison.  The vet assured her that it was common and that thing would be ok.  She had left her dog there to be monitored.  At 2 pm all was well and they said he’d be able to go home soon.  Then, she got a call around 3pm and the vet told her the dog collapsed and that she should come down.  She and her husband (luckily he was home early that day) rushed there and that was it, he died.  The vet said that she’s never seen this happen and that there must have been an underlying condition that caused his death.  I feel so sad and heartbroken for them.  It’s hard not to blame yourself for something like that.   We went there on Fri night for a while.   It was horrible.   Her husband hasn’t stopped crying since.  The dog was only 6.5 yrs old.  I know how I feel about him because I loved him, too, but imagine the way they feel.  I guess all we can do from this type of thing is take a lesson.  Ms. Mae is gonna miss her buddy, even though he used to antagonise her. 

So, as you can see, I’m a bit sad lately.  But, still trying to stay normal for all of us.  The little peanut is kicking up a storm.  I love that.  My cervix measured 1.45cm last Thur, so effectively unchanged.   The heartbeat has been in the 130s-140s.   Does anyone believe that old wives tale…the lower heartbeat ranges are boys and the higher heartbeat ranges are girls?  My friend and I did the gender predic.tor a few weeks back but it was only right for 2/4 of her kids.   I know I could ask and we could find out, but I still want to be surprised. 

I’ve been thinking of doing a mural in peanut’s future room.  I have a hard time letting myself go there, still.  I am 26 weeks tomorrow, but really think I’m going to wait until 28 wks to do anything.   Since I can’t do much, I’ve been looking at stencils and premade murals (like wallpaper) online, thinking that maybe DH could do it.  Then I thought, I live in RI, let me googl.e R.I. Schoo.l of and murals.  Well, I happened upon an artist’s website.  She had a link for murals she created….and this was one of them….

….it is exactly what I have been thinking of/looking for!  I emailed her, she replied with her number, and I called her.   She has done a few murals for a child’s room and someone’s living room, but mainly does work for children’s hospitals (the one above was for that), small businesses, etc., on a part time basis.   She said she’d love to do a mural for us.  So, I’m thinking about it…it’s exactly what I’d want.  Just got to wait to see how things go over the next few weeks with DH and the peanut. 

After all I’ve been through, it’s strange how I still seem to have a hard time with the ups and downs of life.  But, I keep praying and hoping.


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. R
    Apr 15, 2012 @ 19:52:50

    I am so sorry that your hubby needs more tests. I am hopeful that all will be ok. GD sucks. I had it. I blogged about it. The first step is diet and exercise (which you prob cant do because of the Cervix) but then insulin gets involved. It is hard but you will get through it.


  2. LisainSK
    Apr 16, 2012 @ 08:24:23

    Oh goodness!! Prayers that your DH’s tests come clean!! And a mural is JUST what the doctor ordered…do it!! And once the artist has finished her work…post the pic!!


  3. soulshine
    Apr 17, 2012 @ 09:11:30

    thanks for checking in!

    first, i think that with all you have been thru, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have tough skin and are immune to the emotional ups and down… going thru hard times also can have the effect of making you very sensitive and empathetic about life’s ups and downs.
    so, you feel very connected and in tune with your friend’s loss of their dog. what a terrible tragedy, i am so sorry they had to go thru that. it is nice to thave friends like you who really understand the depth that some events in life can have on us. you are a good friend, and it is one of the “benefits” of having hard times in your life- it makes you a better person in this way.

    i would be so nervous about what is going on with your husband! oh my word. he must be really nervous too. hopefully this is just one of those odd anomolies and he is healthy and can move past this without invasive treatment. oh my word… will be thinking of you both on friday.

    i think you will do fine with the GD stuff, whether or not you have it. but really, i am sure it would have been nice to just pass the first test. i hope you pass the 3 hour one so it is one less thing to worry over. it sounds like that day was not so great for nutrition… you gotta eat more, girl! especially after that glucose drink. it is easy to forget though, and once it is too late, i think the pregnancy just takes it out of you, so you feel absolutely drained.

    and last, i love that you called a local artist for the mural project! it is going to look so fantastic. i think its good to follow your feelings about when it feels right to prepare like this… its a wonderful idea though. maybe she can slip daisy somewhere in the mural, too! it will be so fascinating for your baby to look at… great idea.

    thanks for sharing here! it sounds like things are moving right along, with your cervix and the baby kicking! what a magical time for you and that baby. the baby is impervious to all of this LIFE going on outside of his or her perfect world inside of you. you are really doing great. i try to take my online friend’s pregnancies one day at a time, but i have to admit that i look forward to a certain time this summer when you are going to meet that baby (and you are saving the gender for a surprise!! how awesome is that?) and i can’t wipe the smile off of my face. but, then getting back to the reality of one day at a time… i think you are doing so well.


  4. soulshine
    Apr 27, 2012 @ 10:32:37

    ok, checking in again… you must be nearing the 28 week mark this weekend-
    i hope you are feeling good and getting thru the days, good ones and tough ones.

    how’s your husband doing? how’s daisy?

    update when you can 🙂


  5. Petra Hilfiger
    Apr 30, 2012 @ 12:49:04

    Cancer and you: what tests are used to diagnose bladder cancer


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