32w tomorrow

Sometimes I really can’t believe it, but I’ll be 32w tomorrow!  Seems like time has flown by since 24w, and since 28w.   4 weeks ago I was 28w, which seems like yesterday, so does that mean I’ll snap my finger and, dare say, be 36w?  I better get ready for this baby!

We had a little excitement this week – a hospital visit and my shower yesterday.

First, the hospital visit.

I had a bit of blood on my pantyliner on Tue morning, so we went to the ER.  I didn’t have any contractions, but thought it was the right thing to do.  It pretty much had stopped by the time they examined me.  They found no active source for the bleed, either via manual exam of the cervix/cerclage or via ultrasound (question whether or not my placenta moved or something).  There were no signs of active labor.  At first, the ER doc thought my cervix was a bit softened and dialated to 1 cm, but then the US showed the same cervical length of 1.6cm.  There was some differing opinions of whether or not there was a change or whether I was just dialated by the diameter of my cerclage (and always have been).  The OB that was on call from my practice wanted me to get the steroid shot, so I did, putting up not fight.  I figured I should get it in the event that this little bleed was some strange warning sign.  Since the shots (2 – 24 hrs apart) would elevate my blood sugar, their standard practice is that you stay there for 24 hrs beyond the second shot.  This is mainly because most people need some insulin after the shot and because they want to see how you do with the insulin.  This kept me there until Thur mid-day.   When I was discharged, I felt like I was being let out of prison.  To me, it seemed like overkill.  During my stay,  I did need insulin twice.  Their diabetic diet is much more liberal than I’ve been doing at home, so that may be another contributor as to why my numbers were high.  As of Thur afternoon (at home), my blood sugar control has been back to diet alone (although I may need a different, longer acting, insulin soon b/c my fasting numbers are just over their threshold – an issue I had before the steroid shots). 

I learned a few things in that visit…the new area for pregnant women being monitored is similar to the new L&D area.  The rooms are huge!, with plenty of space in the private bathroom, etc.  The beds are comfortable, but the pillows not so much.  I will probably take a pillow from home.   We also learned our little peanut already has hair!  How cute is that! …and her/his estimated weight as of Tue was 4lbs1oz with measurements right on track.  So, baby is doing well in my little ute.

Changing subjects to my shower…what a surreal experience.  I couldn’t believe I was going to my baby shower.  I still can’t believe I did.  Especially when I look at all the stuff in my office now.  We had a great time.  I ended up making a speech.  I thought I could do it without crying, but once I got to the second sentence, I lost it.  It took a few seconds, but I got myself somewhat together before continuing.  It wasn’t long, but the words, those emotions, the joy and pain all wrapped into one.  I wanted to summarize my experience and express my gratitude for everyone’s love and support.  I felt sadness/guilt for my aunts and family friends who couldn’t have kids and especially for my friend that I mentioned a few posts ago, who drove 3+ hrs to come to my shower.   My mom said something after me, but she somewhat lost it, too.  So much from so many years.  As you all know, 7 years and counting.  

It was also uplifting to hear stories from people of how they hoped for us for so long.  Sometimes we feel that people don’t notice the pain and anxiety we are going through during treatment or waiting for a match or waiting for a stroke of luck, but they really do.  They just don’t always know what to say. 

I didn’t dwell on those thoughts, however, I really enjoyed it.   People kept telling me that I’m all baby….well, I really don’t have my will power to attribute that to, I told them it is the GD diet.  My SIL is pregnant now and she keeps saying she wants to get on that diet.   I’ve been about the same weight for 5 weeks or so.  The baby is taking what it needs, my belly is getting bigger, and taking all the fat away from the other areas, such as my butt.  My doctor told me this happens with a lot of her GD patients….they stay the same for a while, maybe even losing a bit towards the end, and then don’t have as much to lose when the baby comes.  I guess if there is a silver lining to this, that must be it.   I don’t have all the pictures from the shower yet, but here’s one of me with my mom (sometimes I don’t know why I don’t put the whole picture up here, but something holds me back).  

We got a lot of good stuff.  People were so generous.   I know a lot of people would have preferred to know the gender to get the “perfect gift” but I just can’t help but think that this whole thing was a huge surprise and I want to keep it that way.  

So, now we will take stock of what we have and then determine what we need, especially for the first few months.  We’ll be making a run to Walmart or BJ’s to get Dr.eft, diapers, wipes, etc, and I’ll be putting my bag together soon.  Although I feel great, I know that there’s no telling when things will start happening.   🙂

Advertisements

Steroids – any thoughts?

Just a quick post based on today’s doctor’s visit.

I had my first non-stress test done today…all was well.   So, that’s good, but…

The doctor is recommending steroid shots (2 shots 24 hrs apart) to help with organ development in the event of a preterm birth.  She is basing it on my cervix going from 2.2cm to 1.6 cm in 2 weeks.  I told her that the 2.2 may have been a fluke because it has always been at 1.6 since the cerclage was placed, but she reiterated that she recommends I get the shot.  She said they need to be done soon to be effective.  She said they can’t harm the baby, but the negative is that they can mess up my blood sugar control.  This is an issue for me because I have GD.  I’ve been doing very well with my daytime blood sugar numbers, but my fasting morning numbers have been below the limit only 50% of the time.  Considering the fasting number issue and the fact that she wants to have me take the steroids, my OB recommended that I start a little insulin at night.  She is referring me to the MFM (high risk) group for them to make the ultimate decision.   They should be contacting me soon (hopefully by tomorrow) for an appt.

Has anyone taken the steroid shots?  Any concerns over short or long-term impact to the baby?  Also, has anyone had to take insulin for GD? 

I really wonder if my OB is recommending the shot because there is documentation that shows my length drop from 2.something to 1.6 cervical length, even if that didn’t really happen.  Sometimes it’s so hard to just trust a doctor, but in the end, that is all we can really go by.  I am not feeling good about taking all these things.  I still don’t feel comfortable with the progesterone shot to help prevent preterm labor.  Now this!  Ugghhh….more decisions/discomfort.

Feelings

I just wanted to empty my heart a bit in this post. 

Tomorrow is a very difficult day for those still TTC or still waiting for a match.    The yearning and longing are always there, but tomorrow brings a special type of dagger that digs into the heart even more deeply.  Wanting to be a Mom is likely the strongest desire a woman will feel in her entire life.  I know that there are others beyond initially becoming a mom, such as wanting the best for your child who may be wayward, sick or addicted.    

Today I find myself thinking of those that are in the trenches, for however long, and I want you to know that I am praying for you today and hoping your day comes soon.   I wish you all the strength that you can muster to continue on.   

I am also thinking of a good friend of mine.  She is single and almost 43.  She hasn’t been lucky in love.  She used to be very picky, ending up with the wrong guy because they were good-looking, had that swagger, were “fun”, etc.  She has shaken the need for perfection and has determined what is truly important to her in recent years, but hasn’t found anyone.  She didn’t want to marry someone she wasn’t in love with and didn’t want to settle for someone just to have kids.   She has a nephew whom she adores and is very close to her family, but they live here and she lives away.   She is a mid-school teacher and is really good with children.   She didn’t have a very strong maternal instinct until now. 

She is planning to get her eggs frozen for now as she contemplates trying IVF with donor sperm.  She is concerned about the impact to the child not knowing its bio father and the fact that the child would be “different” from other children.  She is afraid that she will be the one who “caused this” when her child grows up and works through acceptance.  She has a friend who used donor sperm several years ago and has a college-age daughter.  She’s spoken to the child and her friend.  The child is well-adjusted and happy, but admits going through a period when she wondered who her “father” was.   She is also considering adoption, but doesn’t think she could afford it.  She is in conflict with herself about bringing up a child alone, especially being away from her family.    

I’ve been talking with her often about the physical and emotional issues surrounding this and IVF in general, especially at an advanced maternal age.  I’m being realistic and honest with her.  I’m not sugar-coating things, because that won’t help, but I’m trying not to be too negative, because she could get lucky.  She is making herself sick over it.  She is looking up the side of that mountain and is overwhelmed, all the while not yet realizing how much it takes.   She knows I have been through hell and back and she admits she didn’t really understand things until now.   I just feel so bad for her because I was able to go through the last 7 years with my husband by my side; I can only imagine how tough it must be to go it alone….and she is just starting. 

All I can do is be there for her.

Good News

My husband’s ct scan was negative!  Whew!  Thank God!  But, I’m aggravated that it took the doctor almost 2 weeks to get him this news.  He went on vacation the Monday after DH’s scan on the previous Friday.  I would think that in this circumstance an associate could have given the news.  Instead, they make you wait.  Ridiculous.  DH doesn’t want to push the issue.  If it was me, I’d let him know I didn’t appreciate waiting that long due to his vaca.  Anyway,  so now the doctor said he’d see him next year for his repeat scope (in case you didn’t read the previous post, DH had bladder cancer 6 yrs ago and is now down to annual exams, but he had seen something strange and got the ct scan). 

Thank you all for your comments on my last post!  Some great ideas, and things I didn’t already have.  I love the sleep sheep.  It’s tough doing it all through the internet because you can’t touch and feel.  I did go with my Mom to Babi.es. R. U.s last week for a little while.  She wheeled me around in a wheel chair.  She was banging into stuff…”look at that, how cute…….(crash)”.  That’s how it went.  I’m a little disappointed in the store.  They don’t carry a lot of items they have online.   My Mom got us the Baby.Bjo.rn travel crib (pack&play) from Am.azon instead because it was about $40 cheaper…same thing with my Aunt who got us the infant car seat.   It still feels so strange that people are getting me things.  I’m letting go, but not fully.  My Mom initially wanted to have my shower after the baby was born due to all my risk factors, but we ended up deciding on before.  My friends and SIL talked me out of having it after because I’ll be really busy, tired, and may not want the baby around a ton of people.  So, if they have to skyp.e me in from a hospital bed during my shower, so be it!  It’s the Sat of Mem.orial Da.y weekend. 

Thanks again for comments last time.  If you have any other suggestions, please feel free to share! 

29 weeks tomorrow!